Morning Tv Critic Gifts

A man eats his breakfast while staring at a TV that reads "Please stand by until we find a format for a popular 7 a.m.- 9 a.m. program."

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Trump Poutine

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

'What does it say, Dad?'

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Can't Touch This

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"I like it but does it get only the one channel?"

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'Play any other position besides Monday morning quarterback?'

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

"Political cartoons that make people think? Are you crazy? We don't want to distract our readers from the weather forecast, the horoscope and the advertisements!"

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

"What kind of politician would I be if I didn't politicize this crisis?"

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

"You don't have to answer that."

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

'I'm a has-been celebrity - get me in there!'