Daytime Tv Critic Gifts

'I want you to try an alternate cure for your insomnia-start watching daytime television.'

'The evening news was bad enough, but now he's dozing off during the 'Today Show.''

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

Can't Touch This

'What does it say, Dad?'

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"I like it but does it get only the one channel?"

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

'Time for my favorite soap opera, Nine Lives to Live.'

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

"You don't have to answer that."

'I'm a has-been celebrity - get me in there!'

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

'Here's veteran pundit Edwin Shrock to sound off og whether any other pundits actually know what they're talking about...'