Daytime Tv Aficionado Gifts

"We begin the day hammering. Then there's 'Regis and Kathie Lee.' Then we do some more hammering, followed by lunch and 'Days of Our Lives,' more hammering, 'Oprah,' and, finally, home."

'So you're not wanting a DNA test or a lie detector test??!!...What are you, some kind of freak or something!?..'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'Time for my favorite soap opera, Nine Lives to Live.'

I don't want to go out, I just want to stay in.

Dr. Phil takes it home.

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

'He's really putting that media studies degree to good use.'

'I want you to try an alternate cure for your insomnia-start watching daytime television.'

'Ready, steady, Operate'

Outside the Soap Opera Screen Actors Guild.

"Synchronized sitting"

Congressionally Mandated Themes For The Daytime Talk Shows

David Letterman

"Has it been in your family long?"

'Why do they call them 'soaps'? All they do is dig up dirt.'

'They leave the TV on for me during the day when they go to work: Boy daytime TV is boring!'

Robert Kilroy Silk - Out.

'The evening news was bad enough, but now he's dozing off during the 'Today Show.''

"Do you suppose I could enjoy 'Dynasty' without listening to an hour of suspender-snapping?"

'You dropped your day planner.'

"Henry is addicted to all of the Court programs."

Don't bother me. I'm in my prime time mode.

'Bailiff, there's a fight in the jury room. Someone turned off Dr. Phil.'

Employee Survival School

David Dickinson

'Have you noticed? She always calls a recess at the exact time 'Oprah' comes on tv.'

"He loves watching daytime shows where people throw a lot of hissy fits."

Speakers who watch too much Oprah

'Do you think the country was better off under Leno and Letterman, or under Fallon and Colbert?'

'So! You're still watching those talk shows after I told you to stop!'

Today on Oprah: Couples who are Not Having Extra-Marital Affairs

'Neighbours is on, love.'

Antiques Road Rage

"I just got an idea for a new tax from 'The View.'"