Daytime Television Fan Gifts

Robert Kilroy Silk - Out.

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

'Time for my favorite soap opera, Nine Lives to Live.'

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

Dr. Phil takes it home.

TV Situations vacant.

Clive Anderson

Moses' TV guide.

'We have lost the video and voice audio, but will continue with the laugh track.'

A castaway on an island with an old TV that's washed ashore, sees two men in an approaching boat marked, 'TV Licensing'.

"Whatever happened to traditional marriages? There they are...on national television...with millions of people watching...two women getting married! And they're both wearing blue jeans!"

"Thanks Dave. I don't know about you folks, but I can feel it coming in the air tonight."

"Well, now we know what Letterman's doing, what are we doing?"

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

I lost as a contestant on the quiz show, but they gave me this lovely parting gift...

It's on. My new favorite game show! Welcome to: Garbage, recycling or compost?! Dana from New York you can walk away with $10,000 or try to double the green! Double, please. Okay, Dana, here's your object: A takeout container from a local restaurant. Garbage, recycling or compost? Geez. I'm guessing it would depend on whether it's got some cardboard or it's fully biodegradable. Final answer? Recycling. Wrong. Garbage! I knew it. Ridicule her! You've lost your green, loser! I'm sorry. I try so ha

Liz Hurley

Good Morning Britain has just achieved something previously thought impossible...by making Piers Morgan the most likeable man on screen.

'He's really putting that media studies degree to good use.'

'I stopped watching Sesame Street the second I found out it was educational.'

"Popular astrologer and psychic Malder Tercado's contract with a national Spanish-language TV network was not renewed. Tercado was reportedly surprised by the news...saying he didn't see it coming."

'Well, it WAS worth nine thousand dollars. Sorry about that.'

Tommy Cooper

Ostrich TV.

"This i why I always dress in bright colors."

'I'd like to buy a towel.'

99 Dalmations - Edited for television.

After hours TV.

Outside the Soap Opera Screen Actors Guild.

"How about that! Wanda, you also landed on cheese."

Congressionally Mandated Themes For The Daytime Talk Shows

'If you smiled in the mornings, you'd come up in the ratings, too.'

'If we lose the malpractice lawsuit, we can always sell it to the Bloopers Channel.'

'I'm no Einstein, but I play one on TV!'