Daytime Television Fan Gifts

Robert Kilroy Silk - Out.

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

'Time for my favorite soap opera, Nine Lives to Live.'

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

Dr. Phil takes it home.

TV Situations vacant.

Moses' TV guide.

'We have lost the video and voice audio, but will continue with the laugh track.'

A castaway on an island with an old TV that's washed ashore, sees two men in an approaching boat marked, 'TV Licensing'.

"Whatever happened to traditional marriages? There they are...on national television...with millions of people watching...two women getting married! And they're both wearing blue jeans!"

"Well, now we know what Letterman's doing, what are we doing?"

"Thanks Dave. I don't know about you folks, but I can feel it coming in the air tonight."

I lost as a contestant on the quiz show, but they gave me this lovely parting gift...

Good Morning Britain has just achieved something previously thought impossible...by making Piers Morgan the most likeable man on screen.

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

'He's really putting that media studies degree to good use.'

'I stopped watching Sesame Street the second I found out it was educational.'

Ostrich TV.

'Well, it WAS worth nine thousand dollars. Sorry about that.'

"Popular astrologer and psychic Malder Tercado's contract with a national Spanish-language TV network was not renewed. Tercado was reportedly surprised by the news...saying he didn't see it coming."

'If we lose the malpractice lawsuit, we can always sell it to the Bloopers Channel.'

"This i why I always dress in bright colors."

'If you smiled in the mornings, you'd come up in the ratings, too.'

'Too much TV, maybe. Is there a John Wane marathon going on?'

'Ready, steady, Operate'

Congressionally Mandated Themes For The Daytime Talk Shows

"How about that! Wanda, you also landed on cheese."

Outside the Soap Opera Screen Actors Guild.

99 Dalmations - Edited for television.