Daytime Tv Fan Gifts

'He's really putting that media studies degree to good use.'

'So! You're still watching those talk shows after I told you to stop!'

Employee Survival School

Dr. Phil takes it home.

"I just got an idea for a new tax from 'The View.'"

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'Time for my favorite soap opera, Nine Lives to Live.'

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

TV Situations vacant.

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

Moses' TV guide.

A castaway on an island with an old TV that's washed ashore, sees two men in an approaching boat marked, 'TV Licensing'.

"Whatever happened to traditional marriages? There they are...on national television...with millions of people watching...two women getting married! And they're both wearing blue jeans!"

'We have lost the video and voice audio, but will continue with the laugh track.'

"Well, now we know what Letterman's doing, what are we doing?"

Liz Hurley

I lost as a contestant on the quiz show, but they gave me this lovely parting gift...

It's on. My new favorite game show! Welcome to: Garbage, recycling or compost?! Dana from New York you can walk away with $10,000 or try to double the green! Double, please. Okay, Dana, here's your object: A takeout container from a local restaurant. Garbage, recycling or compost? Geez. I'm guessing it would depend on whether it's got some cardboard or it's fully biodegradable. Final answer? Recycling. Wrong. Garbage! I knew it. Ridicule her! You've lost your green, loser! I'm sorry. I try so ha

'Well, it WAS worth nine thousand dollars. Sorry about that.'

"Popular astrologer and psychic Malder Tercado's contract with a national Spanish-language TV network was not renewed. Tercado was reportedly surprised by the news...saying he didn't see it coming."

'Too much TV, maybe. Is there a John Wane marathon going on?'

'Ready, steady, Operate'

After hours TV.

'I'd like to buy a towel.'

99 Dalmations - Edited for television.

Congressionally Mandated Themes For The Daytime Talk Shows

Outside the Soap Opera Screen Actors Guild.

'If you smiled in the mornings, you'd come up in the ratings, too.'

"We begin the day hammering. Then there's 'Regis and Kathie Lee.' Then we do some more hammering, followed by lunch and 'Days of Our Lives,' more hammering, 'Oprah,' and, finally, home."

Religious man watching religious TV

"We've had to rename it, no one watches talk shows anymore."

'Bailiff, there's a fight in the jury room. Someone turned off Dr. Phil.'

'Why do they call them 'soaps'? All they do is dig up dirt.'

"This Fall on NBC: Fish Out of Water"

"Henry is addicted to all of the Court programs."