Daytime Tv Fan Pillows

'He's really putting that media studies degree to good use.'

'So! You're still watching those talk shows after I told you to stop!'

Dr. Phil takes it home.

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'And for those of you calling in to say he is behind us - OH NO he isn't.'

'Time for my favorite soap opera, Nine Lives to Live.'

TV Situations vacant.

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

Moses' TV guide.

A castaway on an island with an old TV that's washed ashore, sees two men in an approaching boat marked, 'TV Licensing'.

'We have lost the video and voice audio, but will continue with the laugh track.'

"Well, now we know what Letterman's doing, what are we doing?"

"Whatever happened to traditional marriages? There they are...on national television...with millions of people watching...two women getting married! And they're both wearing blue jeans!"

I lost as a contestant on the quiz show, but they gave me this lovely parting gift...

'Well, it WAS worth nine thousand dollars. Sorry about that.'

"Popular astrologer and psychic Malder Tercado's contract with a national Spanish-language TV network was not renewed. Tercado was reportedly surprised by the news...saying he didn't see it coming."

Outside the Soap Opera Screen Actors Guild.

'If you smiled in the mornings, you'd come up in the ratings, too.'

Congressionally Mandated Themes For The Daytime Talk Shows

99 Dalmations - Edited for television.

'Ready, steady, Operate'

'Too much TV, maybe. Is there a John Wane marathon going on?'

After hours TV.

"We begin the day hammering. Then there's 'Regis and Kathie Lee.' Then we do some more hammering, followed by lunch and 'Days of Our Lives,' more hammering, 'Oprah,' and, finally, home."

Religious man watching religious TV

Robert Kilroy Silk - Out.

'Why do they call them 'soaps'? All they do is dig up dirt.'

"We've had to rename it, no one watches talk shows anymore."

Televised Insomnia Benefit Telethon puts couple to sleep.

"This Fall on NBC: Fish Out of Water"

'Bailiff, there's a fight in the jury room. Someone turned off Dr. Phil.'

They watch for a while, then, unlike humans, they get bored.

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'

"Henry is addicted to all of the Court programs."

"Do you suppose I could enjoy 'Dynasty' without listening to an hour of suspender-snapping?"