Daytime Tv Critic T-Shirts

'I want you to try an alternate cure for your insomnia-start watching daytime television.'

'The evening news was bad enough, but now he's dozing off during the 'Today Show.''

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

American Idle.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'What does it say, Dad?'

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Can't Touch This

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"I like it but does it get only the one channel?"

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

Can't Touch This

Christmas TV...

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

'Time for my favorite soap opera, Nine Lives to Live.'

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

"You don't have to answer that."

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

'I'm a has-been celebrity - get me in there!'

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

'Well, kids -- I guess it all started to fall apart when they canceled 'Seinfeld'....'