Daytime Tv Skeptic Gifts

"No wonder they leave the house every day: daytime TV is awful..."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

'Time for my favorite soap opera, Nine Lives to Live.'

Dr. Phil takes it home.

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

Bad Influence of TV

"You wanted to miss the Matisse show."

'Where are all these people who lived happily ever after?'

'He's really putting that media studies degree to good use.'

'Like the judges, he's turned his chair around to concentrate on the singing.'

"The news you are about to see is fictitious and is shown merely for its sensational content."

Congressionally Mandated Themes For The Daytime Talk Shows

'Ready, steady, Operate'

'I want you to try an alternate cure for your insomnia-start watching daytime television.'

Outside the Soap Opera Screen Actors Guild.

"We begin the day hammering. Then there's 'Regis and Kathie Lee.' Then we do some more hammering, followed by lunch and 'Days of Our Lives,' more hammering, 'Oprah,' and, finally, home."

'The evening news was bad enough, but now he's dozing off during the 'Today Show.''

'Why do they call them 'soaps'? All they do is dig up dirt.'

Viewer Discretion - Stupid Program.

Go To Sleep Britain...

Employee Survival School

'Bailiff, there's a fight in the jury room. Someone turned off Dr. Phil.'

'They leave the TV on for me during the day when they go to work: Boy daytime TV is boring!'

"Do you suppose I could enjoy 'Dynasty' without listening to an hour of suspender-snapping?"

Robert Kilroy Silk - Out.

"Henry is addicted to all of the Court programs."

David Dickinson

'The doctor from 'daytime television' said I've got gall stones, but I thought I'd better come to you for a second opinion.'

'Have you noticed? She always calls a recess at the exact time 'Oprah' comes on tv.'

"He loves watching daytime shows where people throw a lot of hissy fits."

"I just don't get these reality shows!"

'I know when I'm being worked in during a commercial.'

'So you're not wanting a DNA test or a lie detector test??!!...What are you, some kind of freak or something!?..'

Speakers who watch too much Oprah