Daytime Tv Gifts

'So! You're still watching those talk shows after I told you to stop!'

'Ready, steady, Operate'

'Why do they call them 'soaps'? All they do is dig up dirt.'

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'Time for my favorite soap opera, Nine Lives to Live.'

Dr. Phil takes it home.

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

Sunrise and Sunset

"I'm more of a day owl."

'He's really putting that media studies degree to good use.'

Congressionally Mandated Themes For The Daytime Talk Shows

Outside the Soap Opera Screen Actors Guild.

Maps to talk-show guests' homes.

"Come on, Baldo...get up. It's twenty to eleven."

'I want you to try an alternate cure for your insomnia-start watching daytime television.'

"We begin the day hammering. Then there's 'Regis and Kathie Lee.' Then we do some more hammering, followed by lunch and 'Days of Our Lives,' more hammering, 'Oprah,' and, finally, home."

Robert Kilroy Silk - Out.

'They leave the TV on for me during the day when they go to work: Boy daytime TV is boring!'

Employee Survival School

"Henry is addicted to all of the Court programs."

"Do you suppose I could enjoy 'Dynasty' without listening to an hour of suspender-snapping?"

'The evening news was bad enough, but now he's dozing off during the 'Today Show.''

'Bailiff, there's a fight in the jury room. Someone turned off Dr. Phil.'

David Dickinson

'Have you noticed? She always calls a recess at the exact time 'Oprah' comes on tv.'

Speakers who watch too much Oprah

'So you're not wanting a DNA test or a lie detector test??!!...What are you, some kind of freak or something!?..'

"He loves watching daytime shows where people throw a lot of hissy fits."

Today on Oprah: Couples who are Not Having Extra-Marital Affairs

'Neighbours is on, love.'

'...And now stay tuned for 'Why Bother?', the program that calls itself into question!'

"OK, Adam, we'll hear version, right after this commercial break..."

"Oh, Lord, now she's got the dog watching The Hallmark Channel."

"No wonder they leave the house every day: daytime TV is awful..."