Coffee Skeptic Gifts

"I believe I'll pass on the coffee."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Gimme a triple shot. I can't face another hour of 'Fetch boy!' without some caffeinated fortitude."

"Your idea is strong. Really strong. But I've gotta ask myself, is it too much espresso for a decaf world?"

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

Still Coffee Runs Deep

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

"Practicing my hate-face."

Nothing like that first cup of coffee, eh, Frank?

'The coffee tastes of mud. Is that why you call it 'ground' coffee?'

Instant Human: Just Add Coffee

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

"My wife ordered ICE coffee!"

Honest Vending Machine

'This decaf's lousy.'

'Well, kids, I guess it all started with decaffeinated coffee....'

'No I don't do decaf, soy lattes with a shot of vanilla!'

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

"I wish there was an easy answer but there's a sexual subtext to consider...even if you are comliant in meeting my needs am I subconsciously placing you in the sexually subservient role or nurturer and provider."

'If I'm to put up with cold coffee and stale biscuits I expect a Much better line in gossip!'

"They were known as the tribe that didn't sleep."

"This procedure should help you relax. We're going to surgically remove the coffee cup from your hand."

"Wheat bran, prunes and black coffee for breakfast?! What was I thinki — oh, noooo..."

"Could I have a skinny, half fat caramel infued Americano with a double shot and froth. . . but without the coffee!"

Expresso Lane

"We're a prestigious department, yet we have only three active prima donnas."

'Caffeinated or decaffeinated?'

Man - 'This coffee tastes like mud!' Woman - 'It was ground this morning.'

The Decafé

"I graduated summa cum laude caffeine-free, I'll have you know."

Two Eggs Any Way You Want 'Em!

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