Wine Skeptic Gifts

'May I help you?' - 'Yes, can you recommend a Chardonnay?' - 'Hmmm... Not really, I don't drink wine.' - 'Why do you work in an off licence if you don't drink?' - 'I suffer from congenital irony.' - 'Ah.' -

"I'm not sure my husband would like it, unless it has aromas he appreciates, like cheap cigars and hot dogs."

"Of course no one is drinking the wine - it's the Murder Mystery Writers Association."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'A cheeky red?'

Bacchus.

Sauvignon Bonk

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

Leaning Wine Bottle of Pisa

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'One more for me an Tiffany, and one more for you and the road.'

'Your stab at ordering the wine in French went well.'

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'Al, that hopeless romantic, sends me love letters written in wine. I just wish he'd use red instead of white.'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."