White Collar Satire Lover Gifts

Accountant beneath picture of three wise monkeys.

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'Yes, can I help you?'

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

"It lost a little something in translation."

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

Miniature Design Shop: Think Small.

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"I can't decide who gets the promotion, so we'll settle it with a rope toy Tug O' War."

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'I treat everyone here the same as my family. . . like s**t.'

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

'It could be worse. Imagine what it'd be like if we hadn't gone to that team building session last week.'

Subordinate Employee

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

"White Collar Prison"

The token incompetent: "Hey - don't ask me."

"There are two ways we can go here - bark or bite."

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

'That was when I closed five distribution centres, mothballed a factory and sacked 3,000 workers.'

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

Ponzi-Mat Vending Machine

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'