White Collar Satirist Gifts

"What a great day to be alive and not under indictment."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'Being offshored isn't exactly what I expected.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Another day at work would be one too many...

Born In Captivity.

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

'Instead of a raise, Yomp, you may call me 'Chief', instead of Mr Staghorn.'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

'Miss Pym, we've made a smaller loss than last year, order me a much larger desk.'

"The more coffee I drink, the more these motivational posters make sense."

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

Man running in a hamster wheel

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

'All right! Who put my dozing-off during our last meeting on youtube?'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'