White Collar Humorist Gifts

'Of course, you'll be paid a generous scapegoat bonus.'

"Making millions through insider trading wasn't a problem, hiding it from the I.R.S. was."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"White Collar Prison"

Ponzi-Mat Vending Machine

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

Employment Agency. I didn't hire him -- Those bipedal guys are are afraid to get their hands dirty.

Hellbillies.

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

"What a great day to be alive and not under indictment."

I was rapidly rising to my level of incompetence, so I started screwing up just enough to maintain job security.

'Dad, somehow I got into the IRS files.'

'Wake up, Jim. It's time for your break.'

"Now we'll all close our eyes and cover our ears, and the person who took the four hundred and twenty-eight million dollars will put it back."

Joe's Bar: Gentlemen must wear blue collars.

'Where are you going, I already locked out that pump.' - 'CARL'S on shift!'

"I suggest we continue to treat everything as allegations until we all have to plead guilty."

"Here at Consolidated Megacorp we carry on a proud tradition of marginal competence."

"Just a few more pages, Hansen, and we'll take a short break."

"I'm sorry, Mr Weinstock can't see you at the moment - he's on the run."

'You're a legend, sir. We studied you in our criminal justice class.'

'We found the donut to be more of an incentive for him.'

'I need a new hobby in here. I used to be into creative accounting.'

". . . but, it will be great to see the old gang."

Department of Commerce, Economic Forecasting, Division of Estimates & Alibis

"I did warn you it wouldn't pay!"

Janitor on the Job Training.

'Oh, for heaven's sake, put the gun away. We're white-collar criminals. We can't just shoot it out with the cops.'

FREElance Artists

Felony State Bank

Accountant beneath picture of three wise monkeys.

Crime Passionnel

"When I said you had to balance the accounts..."

"You would get a job as a bookkeeper, soon quit and change jobs again and again. Now you are charged with being a serial embezzler."

'To be honest, I've never known for my work ethic.'