White-collar Crime Humorist Gifts

"I'm sorry, Mr Weinstock can't see you at the moment - he's on the run."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Henderson makes money the old fashioned way - White collar crime.'

"White Collar Prison"

Ponzi-Mat Vending Machine

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

Hellbillies.

The Mafia Goes Green.

The classic 'large scale corporate raider' eventually, they end up catching themselves!!

"The bank examiners are here, oh!...I see you already know."

"What a great day to be alive and not under indictment."

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

'Dad, somehow I got into the IRS files.'

"At last, a country that welcomes poor refugees like me..."

'Ms. Andrews, have there been any important office memos, voice-mails, texts, tweets or IMs during my incarceration?'

"Now we'll all close our eyes and cover our ears, and the person who took the four hundred and twenty-eight million dollars will put it back."

"I've given him your message. If you'll just take a seat, he'll be out in a moment with his hands up."

'Let this guy go. He's working under cover.'

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

'Hello, Mum!'

'Where are you going, I already locked out that pump.' - 'CARL'S on shift!'

"I suggest we continue to treat everything as allegations until we all have to plead guilty."

"I tried to rob a bank and failed! I tried to steal an old ladies bag and failed! So why not use as my defense, the old saying, 'You can't blame a person for trying'?"

Cuffwear, 2004

"Very well done, Samuels. But next time, don't forget your handcuffs."

"Over here, doofus."

'Relax - we'll blame it on Curiosity.'

". . . but, it will be great to see the old gang."

Police artist drawing a snarling dog while an injured cat desribes him

Department of Commerce, Economic Forecasting, Division of Estimates & Alibis

"In the movie about the New York prison escapees, I'd like to see Jack Nicholson as Richard Matt and Woody Harrelson as David Sweat."

'Of course, you'll be paid a generous scapegoat bonus.'