White-collar Comedy Gifts

"When you're counting as many beans as I was, a few are bound to stick to your plate."

Ponzi-Mat Vending Machine

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"White Collar Prison"

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

Hellbillies.

"What a great day to be alive and not under indictment."

'Dad, somehow I got into the IRS files.'

"Now we'll all close our eyes and cover our ears, and the person who took the four hundred and twenty-eight million dollars will put it back."

'The company has got flexible working hours. I've got to be on the spot when they need me, that's why they tie me to a tree near the front door after work.'

'Where are you going, I already locked out that pump.' - 'CARL'S on shift!'

'You're too late...I embezzled it.'

"I suggest we continue to treat everything as allegations until we all have to plead guilty."

"I'm sorry, Mr Weinstock can't see you at the moment - he's on the run."

'You're a legend, sir. We studied you in our criminal justice class.'

". . . but, it will be great to see the old gang."

'I need a new hobby in here. I used to be into creative accounting.'

Department of Commerce, Economic Forecasting, Division of Estimates & Alibis

'Of course, you'll be paid a generous scapegoat bonus.'

"I did warn you it wouldn't pay!"

"Making millions through insider trading wasn't a problem, hiding it from the I.R.S. was."

'Oh, for heaven's sake, put the gun away. We're white-collar criminals. We can't just shoot it out with the cops.'

Felony State Bank

Accountant beneath picture of three wise monkeys.

"When I said you had to balance the accounts..."

Crime Passionnel

"You would get a job as a bookkeeper, soon quit and change jobs again and again. Now you are charged with being a serial embezzler."

Bonus, bonus! - we'll I got to keep the envelope my pay slip was in

"Moses' first and last day as a plumber's assistant."

A white collar criminal's first day. I'm new here. How much do we tip the guards?