White-collar Humor Lover Gifts

Department of Commerce, Economic Forecasting, Division of Estimates & Alibis

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"Give him time, - if anyone can break that swing set, it's O'l Tex."

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

'Here's your workplace. You will find out company is not big on CCTV cameras or punch clocks.'

Two doctors holding hands

"White Collar Prison"

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

Ponzi-Mat Vending Machine

'Our goal is for you to successfully transition to your new job before retirement age.'

"What a day. I almost lost my smug look of detached superiority."

'So this is the company's new mission statement.'

'Before I show you where you'll be working, let me just say that some companies use money as an incentive. I use Vito here.'

"We will of course keep you fully uninformed."

'The bad news, Pomeroy, is tht we're giving your job to your secretary -- the good news is that she wants you to stay on as her secretary!'

"Well yes, you're a worker, but I think we can both agree that you're not a hard worker now, can't we?"

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

'When you can spare a few minutes, Bromwell, I'd like to discuss those tranquilizers your doctor has you on.'

"A few of the staff are still a little unsure of their roles in the company...so here's a quick recap."

'Dig in.'

Hellbillies.

See? This is precisely why we don't encourage office romances.

"What a great day to be alive and not under indictment."

'Take this to your boss. It works for me with my teacher.'

Human resources department is a stock full of humans.

'I get it, Smith. No raise means you'll go over to our competitor.'

'Dad, somehow I got into the IRS files.'

"You're so consistently late that you're pretty much doing my job and docking your own hours."

"Now we'll all close our eyes and cover our ears, and the person who took the four hundred and twenty-eight million dollars will put it back."

'How can you be suffering from burnout? You've never really caught fire in this organization.'

"By the way, while you were off sick we located the bottle neck."