White-collar Satire Fan Gifts

A white collar criminal's first day. I'm new here. How much do we tip the guards?

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

"It's okay to be ambitious but do you dare to pee on my tree, Jackson!"

"And I suppose you expect me to pick that up?"

'When I said you could name your salary, I meant you could give it a name.'

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

'To cut back on traveling expenses, we're going to start sending you out as an e-mail attachment.'

"You need to stop taking your work home with you. Take mine instead."

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

'Stevens, get in here. I need a few minutes with the left side of your brain.'

'He insists on being a part of the corporate pipeline.'

"One question, what's a share option?"

"My God! There goes middle management."

'The good news is that from now on I belong to a very rare species. There aren't many personnel managers who create their own pink slip.'

"I've been thinking, but I'm going to stop."

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

"White Collar Prison"

"Of course I believe in diversity. Harlan, here, is an endangered species."

'As you know, Wilson, our CEO screwed up big time, so he was fired and gets a big bonus. But because of his mistakes, you just get fired.'

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

'Oh, oh! Here comes the queen! Look busy!'

'What's the concept? I'm not sure what you're trying to say, Ms. Harris.'