Blue-collar Humor Fan Gifts

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

'It's a great film Pauline, I nearly milked myself laughing.'

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

Personally, I always had a feeling we'd land on our feet.

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

Ponzi-Mat Vending Machine

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

"It's not downsizing—it's just that we have 976 employees who have chosen to spend more time with their families."

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

Giving feedback is a complex process.

"I hear you've got quite a reputation with the girls around the office."

"The floor is open for suggestions."

'The good news is we're not laying you off. The bad news is we want you to take a 20-year lunch break without pay.'

'You're not being fired Jenkins. It's just that all our colleagues have booted you out of the company.'

"Look at them over there, looking all smug with their clients and accounts and stuff."

'Look, if we're going to make this business work, we need to stop eating all the stock.'

"Times are challenging so all our staff have to multitask."

'I know you can make this project go. That's why I call you 'The Magic Motor'.'

"Good news - we're merging with Pinetree Pharma. They make the cures for all the harm our drugs do."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

Now Hiring, 'I was about to ask him if he could work without supervision, when he just wandered away!'

'Cats. They want in, they go over the numbers, they want out.'

'Actually, I haven't done any work for a month due to technical difficulties.'

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

Hellbillies.

'You can't fool all of the people all of the time...not on our advertising budget.'