Blue-collar Comedy Fan Gifts

"Moses' first and last day as a plumber's assistant."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

"I appreciate the effort Carl, but I don't think you understand the swarm concept."

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

Ponzi-Mat Vending Machine

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

"I may need you to take the fall for the Swanson mess. So, goeth with pride."

'I'm on the way to a meeting. Go back to whatever you weren't doing.'

Unfortunately, Lyle had already sent nasty e-mails to his boss, three vice-presidents and the CEO.

'I talk the talk but I don't walk the walk.'

'I have to make your life miserable. I'm in management.'

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

Hellbillies.

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

'Just because I'm Overpaid doesn't mean You're Underpaid.'

"Number four wasn't bad, at least he removed his personal CD earphones for most of the interview."

"...I'm not sure what kind, but I'm certain that you are some kind of an idiot."

'Oh, I've already found a natural born leader. Now I'm looking for someone to follow blindly.'

Hidden Agenda

'I may scream at you occasionally. Pay no attention. I may rant and rave...pay no attention...I may even fire you occasionally. PAY ATTENTION!'

'We run an impressive wage disparity scheme here.'

'Dad, somehow I got into the IRS files.'

'No cowboy's tough enough to handle Cookie's grub. Just ask Wild Bill Hiccup and Wyatt Burp.'

'Let me rephrase that. Go home and sleep on it.'

Suppliers Accounts - "You'll have to be more careful, that's the second time this month you've paid an invoice on time."

'Cheer up. I hate your job too.'

''Over My Dead Body.' Not a good sign.'

"I'm sorry, we don't have anyone named Mr. Peterson working in this office. Would you care to hold until we do?"

"I'm sure a shock collar is great motivational tool, but I would run it by our lawyers first."