White-collar Wit Gifts

"Now we'll all close our eyes and cover our ears, and the person who took the four hundred and twenty-eight million dollars will put it back."

Bonus, bonus! - we'll I got to keep the envelope my pay slip was in

"White Collar Prison"

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

Ponzi-Mat Vending Machine

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

Hellbillies.

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

"What a great day to be alive and not under indictment."

'I've proved to the company I can make the tough rationalizations.'

'Dad, somehow I got into the IRS files.'

'As your friend, I'd advise you to leave the country. As your accountant, I advise you to file for bankruptcy.'

Fraud Squad

'The company has got flexible working hours. I've got to be on the spot when they need me, that's why they tie me to a tree near the front door after work.'

'Where are you going, I already locked out that pump.' - 'CARL'S on shift!'

'You're too late...I embezzled it.'

"I suggest we continue to treat everything as allegations until we all have to plead guilty."

'You're a legend, sir. We studied you in our criminal justice class.'

"I'm sorry, Mr Weinstock can't see you at the moment - he's on the run."

". . . but, it will be great to see the old gang."

Department of Commerce, Economic Forecasting, Division of Estimates & Alibis

'Of course, you'll be paid a generous scapegoat bonus.'

'His job is to follow the paperless trail.'

"I did warn you it wouldn't pay!"

"Making millions through insider trading wasn't a problem, hiding it from the I.R.S. was."

A businessman gives a beggar his briefcase.

'Oh, for heaven's sake, put the gun away. We're white-collar criminals. We can't just shoot it out with the cops.'

Accountant beneath picture of three wise monkeys.

"When I said you had to balance the accounts..."

Crime Passionnel

"You would get a job as a bookkeeper, soon quit and change jobs again and again. Now you are charged with being a serial embezzler."

"I'm finding it difficult to keep alive the little embezzler within."

"When you're counting as many beans as I was, a few are bound to stick to your plate."