White Collar Satirist Pillows

"What a great day to be alive and not under indictment."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'Being offshored isn't exactly what I expected.'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Another day at work would be one too many...

Born In Captivity.

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'Miss Pym, we've made a smaller loss than last year, order me a much larger desk.'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"The more coffee I drink, the more these motivational posters make sense."

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

'Instead of a raise, Yomp, you may call me 'Chief', instead of Mr Staghorn.'

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

Man running in a hamster wheel

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

"That one shows our office cliques."