Wellness Retreat Gifts

Steamed Room: "Man, I feel so much lighter."

Woman pouring perfume into her bath.

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

"I'm going to tell them our number one way to be stress-free is taking a day off to go fishing."

Scurile travels

"To think—this meeting, which turned into the perfect day, filled with spontaneous adventures that will become priceless memories, could have been an e-mail."

"I'm going on a retreat."

Monk on the beach

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

"It's either enlightenment or excruciating boredom."

Priest

'You know, if we had a bed and breakfast, we could use it ourselves!'

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

'Lost in the Jungle I found this Buddhist retreat...'

Business acquaintances on holiday

"Ed is back from his silent cocoon retreat."

"No thanks, I need time away from madness."

'Today's Presentation: God's Miracles.'

Self Storage Unit

Busy thoughts of people at a silent retreat.

"Prayer does work! I wasn't picked for any of the church committees."

"Fred, no one is going to bother you here. Put away the Bare Spray."

Missionary Statement: Spread the Word.

Musings of a Marooned Mountain Man

"Tuesday is my day off - leave a message..."

Go away

"For quality control purposes, this phone call may be recorded and replayed for laughs at various office parties throughout our company."

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

"Nope. I came here to relax and not check my messages."

'It's SUPPOSED to be quiet up here!'

"I always come here when I need to blow of some steam."

'I'm self isolating, you idiot!'

"I was social distancing. Until you just showed up."