Health Retreats Gifts

"Ed is back from his silent cocoon retreat."

" '£250 for a week at a health centre', the brochure said, 'lose weight and give up smoking', it said, 'guaranteed results' it said...'

"Looks like the wives are back from their health farm week."

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

Woman pouring perfume into her bath.

Steamed Room: "Man, I feel so much lighter."

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

"I'm going to tell them our number one way to be stress-free is taking a day off to go fishing."

Scurile travels

"To think—this meeting, which turned into the perfect day, filled with spontaneous adventures that will become priceless memories, could have been an e-mail."

"I'm going on a retreat."

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

Monk on the beach

'Therapy always works best in a safe environment ... such as your old tree house.'

"It's either enlightenment or excruciating boredom."

'You know, if we had a bed and breakfast, we could use it ourselves!'

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

Priest

"I wish there was a way to get out of the city this summer without leaving Manhattan."

"At last - no Trump."

'Today's Presentation: God's Miracles.'

"No thanks, I need time away from madness."

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

Self Storage Unit

'Lost in the Jungle I found this Buddhist retreat...'

Business acquaintances on holiday

Busy thoughts of people at a silent retreat.

'Becoming enlightened fifteen minutes before I did doesn't EITHER give you seniority!'

Go away

Musings of a Marooned Mountain Man

Missionary Statement: Spread the Word.

"For quality control purposes, this phone call may be recorded and replayed for laughs at various office parties throughout our company."

"Tuesday is my day off - leave a message..."

"Fred, no one is going to bother you here. Put away the Bare Spray."

"I bought a new summer condo."