Spa Retreats Gifts

"The piped-in spa music makes all the difference."

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

Woman pouring perfume into her bath.

Leave your troubles in the bubbles

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Steamed Room: "Man, I feel so much lighter."

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

Woman at spa having bath in a Martini cocktail glass.

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

Scurile travels

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"I'm going on a retreat."

Complete Makeover

"I look kind of nice today. . . How long have I been this ugly?"

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

Monk on the beach

"Hey - I'd write a book, too, if I could find the time."

'Therapy always works best in a safe environment ... such as your old tree house.'

'Why is the jacuzzi full of grapes?'

'Here you are Dear, here's a fiver. Go in there and have them make you look like a million dollars.'

"Getting a Brazilian has been nothing like I expected."

Odd Spas

"It's either enlightenment or excruciating boredom."

'You know, if we had a bed and breakfast, we could use it ourselves!'

"Apricot pit?! Are you kidding, Mister? This stuff knocks raw avocado and almond nut outta the water!!!"

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

Priest

How to recover from a bad day

'Lost in the Jungle I found this Buddhist retreat...'

"So what's your success rate?"

'Today's Presentation: God's Miracles.'

"No thanks, I need time away from madness."

"Ed is back from his silent cocoon retreat."

"He looks so relaxed."