Spa Retreats Gifts

"The piped-in spa music makes all the difference."

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

Woman pouring perfume into her bath.

Leave your troubles in the bubbles

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Steamed Room: "Man, I feel so much lighter."

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

Woman at spa having bath in a Martini cocktail glass.

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

Scurile travels

"I'm going on a retreat."

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

Monk on the beach

"Hey - I'd write a book, too, if I could find the time."

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

Complete Makeover

"I look kind of nice today. . . How long have I been this ugly?"

'Here you are Dear, here's a fiver. Go in there and have them make you look like a million dollars.'

'Therapy always works best in a safe environment ... such as your old tree house.'

"It's either enlightenment or excruciating boredom."

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

"Apricot pit?! Are you kidding, Mister? This stuff knocks raw avocado and almond nut outta the water!!!"

"Getting a Brazilian has been nothing like I expected."

Odd Spas

Priest

'You know, if we had a bed and breakfast, we could use it ourselves!'

'Lost in the Jungle I found this Buddhist retreat...'

"Ed is back from his silent cocoon retreat."

How to recover from a bad day

'Today's Presentation: God's Miracles.'

"So what's your success rate?"

"No thanks, I need time away from madness."

Self Storage Unit

"He looks so relaxed."