Spa Treatments Gifts

'Maybe a massage wasn't a good idea after all.'

"I hope he doesn't hear me sizzling."

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

Fish pedicures - a woman with her feet in goldfish bowls, with the fish complaining about what they have to eat since the beauty craze took off.

'Here you are Dear, here's a fiver. Go in there and have them make you look like a million dollars.'

'Why is the jacuzzi full of grapes?'

"Of course she looks good. I hear she's had styrofoam injections."

How to recover from a bad day

"I'd like the mud and the hot rocks therapy. Tell me more about this slingshot treatment."

"She'll try a bit of everything please."

"Hi chums, I'll try anything once."

"So what's your success rate?"

Woman leaves cosmetic surgery as her waste skin is dumped in skip.

"Is this endless whining about my love life too much?"

"How was the gong bath?"

"I want to do a juice cleanse. How many juice boxes will it take to fill up the bathtub?"

"Of course I would love to host a spa day for all pastor's wives."

Garra Fish Pedicure.

"He looks so relaxed."

'Your honour, this was simply a mutually agreed fish-pedicure that went tragically wrong.'

Woman pouring perfume into her bath.

'We just need a quote.'

'Give me the full treatment - I just ran over a skunk!'

'What have they got, piranha?'

Tanning salons to avoid. . .

Complete Makeover

"I look kind of nice today. . . How long have I been this ugly?"

Health Club. Massage Room. Ernie, you get a massage almost every day. It makes me feel kneaded!

"Pedicure is booming, but manicure is dead."

"Mr. Potatohead had second thoughts about having a facial peel."

Spa

"Can you make me look like Wolverine?"

'More bubbles!'

Leave your troubles in the bubbles

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."