Yoga Retreat Gifts

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

"Too crowded. Let's go."

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

Woman pouring perfume into her bath.

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Steamed Room: "Man, I feel so much lighter."

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

Scurile travels

"I'm going on a retreat."

Monk on the beach

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

'Therapy always works best in a safe environment ... such as your old tree house.'

Priest

"At last - no Trump."

'You know, if we had a bed and breakfast, we could use it ourselves!'

"I wish there was a way to get out of the city this summer without leaving Manhattan."

"It's either enlightenment or excruciating boredom."

Self Storage Unit

'Lost in the Jungle I found this Buddhist retreat...'

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with worrying that you forget something."

"No thanks, I need time away from madness."

'Today's Presentation: God's Miracles.'

Busy thoughts of people at a silent retreat.

"Prayer does work! I wasn't picked for any of the church committees."

'Becoming enlightened fifteen minutes before I did doesn't EITHER give you seniority!'

"I don't think there's enough vodka for another week in Canada."

Go away

"Fred, no one is going to bother you here. Put away the Bare Spray."

Musings of a Marooned Mountain Man

"Tuesday is my day off - leave a message..."

Missionary Statement: Spread the Word.

"I bought a new summer condo."

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

"That's why I come here for the weekends - 127 acres."