Wedding Warrior Gifts

A Successful Wedding Party Returns From the Hunt

Second marriage vows.

"Daddy, I know you gave me away, but can you take me back?"

How's the wedding planning going? Oh no. Invitations late, caterer not booked, flowers all wrong, dressdoesn'tfitatall. Bride down! Hate the cake.

You're getting married this year. The planning is driving me crazy. You're displacing. Every bride does it. You're channeling your anxiety and fear about getting married into focusing on things like the dinner seating chart. I forgot about the seating chart. Happy to help.

"I have sold my car so I can afford this wedding."

'What - are you deaf? He said, ‘I do.' Let's move it along.'

"Answer carefully."

Bridezilla

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

"You took that news with dignity and grace. I really wanted you to spaz out."

Best Seller

"We missed you at church Sunday."

The Freedom of the Press is Worth Fighting For!

Decapitated coffee.

"I want that dressing-room mirror fired."

"It boils down to which I dislike more: ironing shirts or non-iron shirts."

"I don't care what job you want, Bagshaw, for God's sake dress for the job you have!"

'It feels like I'm very much in a good place these days. That is, aside from the grammar.'

Say balls to testicular cancer, remember to check your crown jewels regularly.

Shakespeare working on his "author's bio"

'Can you debunk my essay?'

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

"Put your phones on vibrate. Maybe they'll keep you awake."

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

'And in conclusion.'

Maria had always said you could never have too many shoes. Actually, she was wrong.

Shakespeare in the clink

"When I first met him, he was my knight in shining armour. But, he hasn't been near the metal polish in years!"

Competitiveness in Ancient Times

'I never said it was the comfy wear...I said it was the comfy look!'

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."