Marriage Warrior Gifts

"The only thing we seem to agree on lately is that we always disagree."

'I can't stand those snide little remarks and that constant beating around the bus...if you have anything at all to say...just shut up!'

'Every weekend he's off hunting with his buddies! I never see him!!!'

"My husband's ill, so I'm standing in for him."

My God, Esther, what's happened to us!

'She misses me alright-she's a lousy shot!'

"So it's come to this, Doreen."

"Sorry, Dear, the REAL me slipped out."

Competitiveness in Ancient Times

"That drives me crazy!"

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

Harvey went to the kitchen to top up his gin and tonic. When he came back, things took an unexpected turn.

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"When I first met him, he was my knight in shining armour. But, he hasn't been near the metal polish in years!"

'I still say it was a mistake having the ceremony TOO close to his stag night!'

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

A Successful Wedding Party Returns From the Hunt

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

Mixed Marriage: Downhill Racer.

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

"Zoom says we have connectivity issues..."

"To be honest I'd rather make love not war, but my chat-up lines are terrible."

"Take your mother for example. She's not much to look at, but she's darn handy with the cookware."

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

"Yeah, well it hurts when you stab me with your words."

'I said it's our wedding day you idiot!'

"We were about to get a divorce, but we decided instead to go with the U.N. Peacekeepers."

"Not on my watch..."

James and Sarah had no chance of sex with antibiotic resistant gonorrhea keeping them apart

"Don't you dare apologize to me!"

Just Married

"Is there room for me?"

'I've been married to your sister for 9 years, so why should I be scared of you?'