Wedded Bliss Warrior Gifts

"Take your mother for example. She's not much to look at, but she's darn handy with the cookware."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

Say balls to testicular cancer, remember to check your crown jewels regularly.

'Don't worry too much about it dear, just say I do and we can get on with the honeymoon.'

Competitiveness in Ancient Times

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

"We didn't spend much time together when we first got married, so we're making up for lost time. We now have a date night 300 days a year."

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

A Successful Wedding Party Returns From the Hunt

Unhappy, Happy, and Well Being Consultant Theatre Masks.

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

'Every weekend he's off hunting with his buddies! I never see him!!!'

'I said it's our wedding day you idiot!'

'It's nice to see that some marriages really are made in heaven.'

Bridezilla

"The wedding went off without a hitch."

'Everytime I kiss him he says he can't breathe.'

'I've been married to your sister for 9 years, so why should I be scared of you?'

'Jenkins came back from his vacation a little too decompressed.'

"Do you, Paul Bergerson, take this traffic ticket..."

Just Married

"The only thing we seem to agree on lately is that we always disagree."

'I'm really worried Doc. I'm beginning to feel quite good about myself!'

'And this is Ziggy, our stress management consultant...'

"Daddy, I know you gave me away, but can you take me back?"

"So, what makes you think I'm a therapist?"

'Off to pay your last respects,darling?'

"Get me this! Get me that! Get me..."

Psychiatry. On the highway of life, I can't maintain the minimum speed.

"Cheer up. You're not as nutty as most of the whack-jobs I see."

"To the nearest barbershop, John."

'What - are you deaf? He said, ‘I do.' Let's move it along.'