Marital Warrior Gifts

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

I love you. You're my everything. Mixed Message Arts.

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

Valentine Vaccines

Harvey went to the kitchen to top up his gin and tonic. When he came back, things took an unexpected turn.

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

Competitiveness in Ancient Times

'I still say it was a mistake having the ceremony TOO close to his stag night!'

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

A Successful Wedding Party Returns From the Hunt

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

'How long have you two been married?'

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

Dropping Bombs and Hearts

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

Mixed Marriage: Downhill Racer.

"He may be Sven the Slayer to you, but to me he's still Mr Cuddly Bun!"

"Take your mother for example. She's not much to look at, but she's darn handy with the cookware."

"Yeah, well it hurts when you stab me with your words."

"Zoom says we have connectivity issues..."

"Well, well – if it isn't the old crystal ball and chain."

'Every weekend he's off hunting with his buddies! I never see him!!!'

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

"We were about to get a divorce, but we decided instead to go with the U.N. Peacekeepers."

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

"I figured, better the devil you know."

'Noise? When you've been married as long as I have, it goes in one ear and out the other.'

His side of the bed, her side of the bed, and the demilitarized zone.

Tunnel of love

'To be totally honest, our ship of matrimony is taking on water.'

"Is there room for me?"

"Well, I think there's more to life than having a terrific backhand."