Modern Romance Warrior Gifts

Bob tries out his new sleazeball checker.

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

I love you. You're my everything. Mixed Message Arts.

Online Dating

Valentine Vaccines

'My life coach traded me.'

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

"When I first met him, he was my knight in shining armour. But, he hasn't been near the metal polish in years!"

Competitiveness in Ancient Times

A Successful Wedding Party Returns From the Hunt

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

Dropping Bombs and Hearts

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

'Do you Margaret take Charles to be your etc, etc, etc...just hit the 'I agree' button.'

Mixed Marriage: Downhill Racer.

"He may be Sven the Slayer to you, but to me he's still Mr Cuddly Bun!"

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

'Every weekend he's off hunting with his buddies! I never see him!!!'

"Zoom says we have connectivity issues..."

"Yeah, well it hurts when you stab me with your words."

"I'm afraid you will have to sign a non-disclosure agreement."

"To be honest I'd rather make love not war, but my chat-up lines are terrible."

"Look, all we did was sleep together. I saved watching 'Game of Thrones' for us."

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

Effective Catcalls

"We were about to get a divorce, but we decided instead to go with the U.N. Peacekeepers."

His side of the bed, her side of the bed, and the demilitarized zone.

"Not on my watch..."

"I'll ALWAYS love you Roger, I'll just be having sex with someone else."

"Well, I think there's more to life than having a terrific backhand."

"Is there room for me?"

"I love you very much, but apparently it's break-up season."