Modern Warrior Gifts

"Your training begins just as it did with the masters of old... with positive affirmations and five minutes of low-impact cardio."

"Our Rupert has swopped his gaming console for bagpipes...it gets us out of the house more often."

Second lifeReal life.

"This is not what I meant when I said you needed to practice your play fighting..."

A military officer sits at his desk with desk trays marked 'Search' and 'Destroy.'

A barbarian warrior eats his breakfast

"I want one that detects intrusions by hackers, then blows their computers to bits!"

'Somebody close the window. Those pesky drones are getting in.'

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

Knights' Status Report: Rusted out, Metal fatigue, Popped rivets, Bad welds, Squeaky hinges, Dents and dings.

"I'm a working mom."

"If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid."

"...and how often do you feel monkas?"

'You've had a bad day? Try being stuck in this house!'

'Instead of a black belt, some of our older students, like Mr. Mertz here, prefer the black suspenders.'

"He may be Sven the Slayer to you, but to me he's still Mr Cuddly Bun!"

"I have a right to disagree! You can't force me to use logic."

"My drone strikes are successful, Sir, but I keep getting trash talk from a 15 year old in Montana."

"Ok, boy, one more time, then I'd better get this thing back to the battlefield."

'These online fantasy worlds are great fun. I can be ‘Dave the Accountant' from Birmingham.'

Man at computer sees 'Y2K' comet coming towards him

What brings you to therapy, Mr. Park? I'm stuck. Dr. Noodle. I'm paralyzed. I'm not making any progress. Honestly, I'm lost in the trees. I've lost sight of my goals. My health units are low. Units? Unseen enemies are everywhere. I can't sleep. I'm not eating. You're not making sense. Who am I kidding? You're right. The truth? Fine, I admit it. I can't get past level 5!!! I don't do video game counseling. If my mom loved me more, I'd be able to find more ammo.

'Remember son, winning isn't everything. You need good endoresement deals too.'

Psychotic mood swing.

Axes 'R' Us Store

'Yes, I'm really modern now. I use a cell phone and no longer need a phone booth.'

Man in a tank with several grannies painted on the side

Cat Annoyed At Mice Developing The Modern Ballistic Missile

"Goliath? We want you to defeat a tech giant."

Drones Unlimited

"My eyes ache, that's enough zoom meetings and screentime for today."

"Told you we shouldn't list each other as emergence contacts."

'Make sure he does a number two.'

"I don't care if it is the most realistic World War II simulator game, I still refuse to salute you."

"Relax dear. You haven't 'put on a ridiculous amount of weight'. You've just forgotten to take off your armour."