Warrior Gifts

"Not to lecture, but the skull of your fallen enemy is reusable and much less wasteful."

"Well of course this is a hostile workplace environment. You do realize what it is you do for a living, don't you?"

'Actually, his strength is as the strength of ten because he fights dirty.'

"He may be Sven the Slayer to you, but to me he's still Mr Cuddly Bun!"

"Relax dear. You haven't 'put on a ridiculous amount of weight'. You've just forgotten to take off your armour."

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

'Make sure he does a number two.'

Samurai Katsuke wasn't much of a great sword fighter, but he was one of the greatest optimists in old Japan.

"Ok, boy, one more time, then I'd better get this thing back to the battlefield."

"Told you we shouldn't list each other as emergence contacts."

Death sentence.

"I failed the physical"

'Lactose intolerant, eh? Must be tricky, what with being a Maasai an' all....'

Axes 'R' Us Store

A barbarian warrior eats his breakfast

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"You can't see a grief counselor just because you got a 'B'."

"I didn't know you could do worse than an F. When did they start handing out poop emojis?"

William Tell Executions.

"Now we're really in trouble!!! It's the Power Walking Dead!!!"

"Why did we get a Cheetah? They need so much walking."

A "Park and Walk" near New York City.

"Sure I know what it adds up to. It adds up to another 'C' for Eddie Goldbeck."

'You're too aggressive.'

"The doctor will see you in a week - if you could still be ill a week on Wednesday."

'You're too aggressive.'

'It happens to a lot of runners at this stage of the marathon, George. It;s called 'hitting the wall'...'

"How come they call these tax returns when I never get any money returned?"

'Did they say WHY you could no longer be a Spartan?' 'Something about, 'image'.'

'I asked my doc for a diet plan and it works great - thanks to his usurious bills, I can't afford a car or taxis and that's why I'm losing weight by walking!'

''C-minus'? †Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

'Once upon a time there were some me with big sticks, and these men, they said to everyone else...'

"All the chairs have been repossessed, so these are all standing desks now."

GOP: 'I didn't come to Washington to champion the midle class! There's no money in that!'

'Are the buffalo wings hot enough for you?'