Keyword Warrior Gifts

'Sanders, our numbers on google are slipping, let's pump up the keywords.'

"The Langmore Regional High School Inner Debate Team"

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

Bench Press Accident

Biceps, muscles and brawn

Soldier armed with a pen.

Second lifeReal life.

Math Camp. I should have read the brochure more carefully before I signed up -- It says "Go on an add-venture and have sum fun"!

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

The Physiciatrist...

"I wish we were just called T-Rex..."

Best Seller

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"If you want to make a difference, become a mathematician."

The Freedom of the Press is Worth Fighting For!

Decapitated coffee.

'It feels like I'm very much in a good place these days. That is, aside from the grammar.'

'Hot' and 'dog' t-shirts.

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

"Ain't isn't a word, and you know it."

“Oi! This is a no fly zone!”

A barbarian warrior eats his breakfast

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

Shakespeare in the clink

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

'Coleridge'

You make me feel more like a veterinarian than a psychiatrist, Al. Why is that, Dr. Kapuchnik? Because you're one sick puppy.

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

'Just tell him two quarts of milk and a pint of cream, Will- it doesn't have to be a sonnet.'

'So much for the 'Eye of the Tiger'.'

"Yup, marathon meetings all day."

Writing For Dummies Books For Dummies.

'It's a good building contract legally, but your jargon's weak.'