Wiki Warrior Gifts

I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. Tap tap tap tap tap. Whatever, dork-boy. You're no longer the world's first successfully-bred human-wildebeest hybrid. It turns out you had an undetected genetic mutation that led to extreme, continuous belching. I'm afraid you didn't make it. You and I are about to have a lot in common.

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

'I really crammed last night.'

Soldier armed with a pen.

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

"I witnessed something I can never unsee." "What happened, little buddy?" "Some guy walking out of the 'Wolverine' premiere shouted spoilers to the crowd that was waiting to see the second show." "A bunch of the fans who were dressed in costumes got so angry they attacked him." "I don't think I can ever unsee five Pyros and a Colossus beating a Happy Hogan with plastic flamethrowers." "Happy Hogan had it coming."

"I wish we were just called T-Rex..."

"The Wi-Fi password is publish 'publish or perish'."

A barbarian warrior eats his breakfast

"Ain't isn't a word, and you know it."

'Coleridge'

"No, no … the sashimi is fine. But I’m not crazy about your Wi-Fi signal."

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"He's just discovered that out 450,000 blog rebuttal campaign was directed against a 12 year old in Swindon using his mums computer."

'You've had a bad day? Try being stuck in this house!'

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

Science vs. Literature, an Eternal Battle.

'Sanders, our numbers on google are slipping, let's pump up the keywords.'

'You know full well, your gastric band won't work if you keep eating spaghetti like that!'

"He may be Sven the Slayer to you, but to me he's still Mr Cuddly Bun!"

"Ok, boy, one more time, then I'd better get this thing back to the battlefield."

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

"Yeah, well it hurts when you stab me with your words."

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

'The nicotine patch should get you off the nicotine gum.'

"Interesting diagnosis. Now let's ask Google for a second opinion, shall we?"

"Sealed for your diets protection."

Cockfight of words

'Romeo, Romeo, wi-fi art thou, Romeo...'

Redaction: The pen is mightier than the word

Axes 'R' Us Store

Woe Befall the Linguistic Interloper