Wikipedia Warrior Gifts

I just edited your Wikipedia entry. I still neither know nor care what that means. Tap tap tap tap tap. It means you're no longer known as "the last surviving Neanderthal on earth." Scientists now think Neanderthals were kinder and smarter than homo sapiens. Which made them highly desirable as mates, so homo sapiens basically interbred with them until they were gone. You're now classified as a fossilized armadillopithecine, which was so undesirable that nobody wanted to interbreed with it. And y

I just edited your Wikipedia entry. Whoopty doo. Tap tap tap tap tap. You'll be happy to know you are no longer the last of your kind, Sadie. Astronomers have discovered another supermassive black hole that expels nearly as much hot air as you do. You're now listed under "oppressive objects that burp out galactic gas." I will exact revenge at a time and place of my choosing.

'It's all original research. I had no assistance when I looked it up on Wikipedia.'

Soldier armed with a pen.

There were originally four musketeers. He said that the pen is mightier than the sword.

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

"It's from my first fight. So make the stitches big so I'll have a gnarly scar to show off."

"I wish we were just called T-Rex..."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

'The worst thing is not having access to your e-mail.'

"Ain't isn't a word, and you know it."

A barbarian warrior eats his breakfast

'Coleridge'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"I hit reply all too many times."

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

'I delete so much junk mail, my trash can icon turned into a dumpster.'

'There's a gentleman here who's concerned because you haven't responded to not one of his 12 million email spams.'

A "Park and Walk" near New York City.

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

"Now we're really in trouble!!! It's the Power Walking Dead!!!"

'You've had a bad day? Try being stuck in this house!'

"Why did we get a Cheetah? They need so much walking."

"Well that email could have been a meeting."

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

Science vs. Literature, an Eternal Battle.

"He may be Sven the Slayer to you, but to me he's still Mr Cuddly Bun!"

'Sanders, our numbers on google are slipping, let's pump up the keywords.'

'You know full well, your gastric band won't work if you keep eating spaghetti like that!'

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

"Ok, boy, one more time, then I'd better get this thing back to the battlefield."

'The nicotine patch should get you off the nicotine gum.'

"Yeah, well it hurts when you stab me with your words."

'Yes, Frank. I'm sure you can make two hundred words out of just twenty six letters.'