Modern-day Warrior Gifts

"The system's down."

War and Technology

"Goliath? We want you to defeat a tech giant."

"AHHHH, MORNING!"

"I feel your pain."

Second lifeReal life.

A military officer sits at his desk with desk trays marked 'Search' and 'Destroy.'

"I don't know what in blazes it means either, but just to be safe we'll put extra men on watch tonight."

Business man sees himself as a shark

A barbarian warrior eats his breakfast

"I want one that detects intrusions by hackers, then blows their computers to bits!"

'Somebody close the window. Those pesky drones are getting in.'

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

"If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid."

"...and how often do you feel monkas?"

"He may be Sven the Slayer to you, but to me he's still Mr Cuddly Bun!"

"Awake and doing great"

"Go back to sleep? Sleep at the office?"

The Jerck Manual

"Ok, boy, one more time, then I'd better get this thing back to the battlefield."

"I have a right to disagree! You can't force me to use logic."

Axes 'R' Us Store

Man in a tank with several grannies painted on the side

Psychotic mood swing.

"Remember to keep hydrated, tell me when you want more Prosecco."

Cat Annoyed At Mice Developing The Modern Ballistic Missile

In Tray and Out Tray

"You have some serious bed head, Dear."

"Told you we shouldn't list each other as emergence contacts."

'I went for a walk this morning...' - 'I ran 20 miles... uphill.' - '...and I had bran flakes for breakfast.' - 'Yeah, well I ate 19 sausages, 3 melons, and a horse.' - 'I'm going for a pee.' - 'I swear I could flood this place!!'

"Relax dear. You haven't 'put on a ridiculous amount of weight'. You've just forgotten to take off your armour."

"Mother, please!"

'Make sure he does a number two.'

Cactus Alarm.