Modern Romance Warrior Pillows

Bob tries out his new sleazeball checker.

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

Online Dating

Valentine Vaccines

'My life coach traded me.'

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"When I first met him, he was my knight in shining armour. But, he hasn't been near the metal polish in years!"

Competitiveness in Ancient Times

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

A Successful Wedding Party Returns From the Hunt

'Do you Margaret take Charles to be your etc, etc, etc...just hit the 'I agree' button.'

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

Dropping Bombs and Hearts

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

Mixed Marriage: Downhill Racer.

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

"He may be Sven the Slayer to you, but to me he's still Mr Cuddly Bun!"

"To be honest I'd rather make love not war, but my chat-up lines are terrible."

"Yeah, well it hurts when you stab me with your words."

"I'm afraid you will have to sign a non-disclosure agreement."

"Look, all we did was sleep together. I saved watching 'Game of Thrones' for us."

'Every weekend he's off hunting with his buddies! I never see him!!!'

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

"Zoom says we have connectivity issues..."

Effective Catcalls

"We were about to get a divorce, but we decided instead to go with the U.N. Peacekeepers."

His side of the bed, her side of the bed, and the demilitarized zone.

"Not on my watch..."

"Well, I think there's more to life than having a terrific backhand."

James and Sarah had no chance of sex with antibiotic resistant gonorrhea keeping them apart

"I'll ALWAYS love you Roger, I'll just be having sex with someone else."

"I love you very much, but apparently it's break-up season."

"Don't you dare apologize to me!"