Marital Warrior Pillows

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

Valentine Vaccines

Harvey went to the kitchen to top up his gin and tonic. When he came back, things took an unexpected turn.

Competitiveness in Ancient Times

'I still say it was a mistake having the ceremony TOO close to his stag night!'

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

A Successful Wedding Party Returns From the Hunt

'How long have you two been married?'

Dropping Bombs and Hearts

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

Mixed Marriage: Downhill Racer.

"He may be Sven the Slayer to you, but to me he's still Mr Cuddly Bun!"

"Zoom says we have connectivity issues..."

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

"Yeah, well it hurts when you stab me with your words."

"Well, well – if it isn't the old crystal ball and chain."

'Every weekend he's off hunting with his buddies! I never see him!!!'

'Noise? When you've been married as long as I have, it goes in one ear and out the other.'

"We were about to get a divorce, but we decided instead to go with the U.N. Peacekeepers."

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

His side of the bed, her side of the bed, and the demilitarized zone.

"I figured, better the devil you know."

Just Married

"The orgasms were real. But I faked the kids."

"Well, I think there's more to life than having a terrific backhand."

'To be totally honest, our ship of matrimony is taking on water.'