Marital Warriors Pillows

'I've been married to your sister for 9 years, so why should I be scared of you?'

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

Harvey went to the kitchen to top up his gin and tonic. When he came back, things took an unexpected turn.

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

'I still say it was a mistake having the ceremony TOO close to his stag night!'

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

"I have been happily married... three times!"

Competitiveness in Ancient Times

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

A Successful Wedding Party Returns From the Hunt

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

'How long have you two been married?'

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

Mixed Marriage: Downhill Racer.

"Yeah, well it hurts when you stab me with your words."

"Zoom says we have connectivity issues..."

"Take your mother for example. She's not much to look at, but she's darn handy with the cookware."

"Well, well – if it isn't the old crystal ball and chain."

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

'Every weekend he's off hunting with his buddies! I never see him!!!'

'I said it's our wedding day you idiot!'

"We were about to get a divorce, but we decided instead to go with the U.N. Peacekeepers."

"I figured, better the devil you know."

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Noise? When you've been married as long as I have, it goes in one ear and out the other.'

Tunnel of love

'Everytime I kiss him he says he can't breathe.'

Bridezilla

Just Married

"Is there room for me?"

"Well, I think there's more to life than having a terrific backhand."