Relationship Warriors Pillows

"Is there room for me?"

"Even after all these years, you can still make me laughso hard I pee my pants...of course, I dod that when I sneeze, too!"

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

"Zoom says we have connectivity issues..."

"On reflection I don't think the doctor was very good for our relationship."

"They met in the express-checkout lane at the A.&P. and have slowed down only occasionally ever since."

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

She - Interpreter - He.

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Sulk Shows

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

Competitiveness in Ancient Times

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

Couple

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"My seven-year-old is a prince, but my forty-seven-year-old is a pain in the ass."

'I know you love her and want to protect her. But it's wrong to laminate her.'

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

Diplomacy

Mixed Marriage: Downhill Racer.

"You always insist on having the last word!" "Sorry!"

"He's fluent in 24 computer languages and never says a bloody word to me."

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

A man forming a heart symbol with his hands

"I can see right through him!"