Relationship Wizards Pillows

Marriage counselor reading the newspaper: 'Try to listen to each other more. It won't be easy. You're not very interesting.'

'What we need, Edward, are some new things to argue about.'

In the Guru District

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'Charlie is the first to admit that he's too old for me.'

'My understanding of psychiatry is that women fantasiss and men internalise - in fact I'd like to internalise right now.'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"Why don't you find a museum!"

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Couples' therapy

Try Mediation

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Window Treatment

"She wanted to go to the beach. I wanted to golf."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'Great Therapy!'

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

Battle of the sexes in a relationship

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

"Of course I won't forget to tell you when quarantine's over!"

"There's something I have to tell you."

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"My computer just texted me."

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

"When we first started seeing each other, we would always use the same word for snow."

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.