Marriage Wizard Gifts

'Now that you're married you should have insurance.' - 'But my wife isn't dangerous.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Okay, I'll admit I was wrong. But I won't say what I was wrong about.

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"Take your time. Do you see the person who made you wear that dress?"

"OK, now what?"

Parson and abandoned husband

Personal Relationship Counsellor

Competitiveness in Ancient Times

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

Counseling $10. This end up. I think we're making progress. I want to kill you both.

Does "worldly goods" include intellectual property?

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"I'm going to New Zealand for a walk."

"Marriage and relationships?...That would be under 'Arts and Science'!"

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"You took a vow of poverty, celibacy and silence. But aren't they the marriage vows."

"I warned you not to buy your top hat and tails from that ex magician!"

Sadie, we need to see a couple's counselor. Yuck. No way! I won't spend a bunch of dough to have some halfwit tell me how to live my life! But I found an inexpensive counselor who will just listen to us talk through our issues. Counseling $10. This end up.

"Your wife is in overly critical condition."

"Are you seeing anyone?"

"If you've been affected by any issues raised during our love-making there's a number you can call."

'Every weekend he's off hunting with his buddies! I never see him!!!'

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

"Couples therapy is not 'going out', Henry!"

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

"Honey, wake up! I just remembered something you did that annoyed the hell out of me!"