Marriage Magicians Gifts

'We're a team - he walks the walk, and I talk the talk!'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

Houdini attempts to escape a relationship.

"How much is this going to cost me?"

Personal Relationship Counsellor

"I've decided the most honorable course of action is for me to take the blame...and pin it on Gordon."

Counseling $10. This end up. I think we're making progress. I want to kill you both.

Does "worldly goods" include intellectual property?

'Your wife says you were married for 50 years and now you want to communicate?'

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"I warned you not to buy your top hat and tails from that ex magician!"

"Marriage and relationships?...That would be under 'Arts and Science'!"

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

"Couples therapy is not 'going out', Henry!"

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

"Your wife is in overly critical condition."

'Dang.'

"I'm leaving you. I would have told you earlier but the time just never seemed right."

"We can go with the hormone-replacement therapy or skip straight to the husband replacement."

"Honey, please! I can’t concentrate with you in there being married to me!"

"I've just finished crafting a non-violent solution to our problems."

'My wife, I worship the ground she walks on.' - 'Her father owns the property, right?'

All New Wizard of Oz: 'Can you hear me now, Auntie Em?'

Lady vicar offering new bride a husband owner's manual.

"You have irritable-spouse syndrome."

'And do you,take Kevin to be your lawful wedded husband for three years or 50,000 miles?'

Marriage Guidance - Give and Take

"You're home, dear—that's the main thing."

Witch in bed reading: 'The Joy of Hex'.

'Darling! There's a man at the door who wants to know if we're happily married... What shall I tell him?'

"Daddy, I know you gave me away, but can you take me back?"