Wedding Satire Gifts

'The limousine they sent us has flashing lights and a siren.'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'If anybody here knows why these two should not be wed...'

"Yes ... no!"

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

The finer points of marriage.

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

"I never thought I'd get married again."

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

'You can't just nod. You have to say, I do. Good Lord. Are all mimes this annoying, or is it just you?'

"To begin with, he ate most of the wedding cake..."

"This is all so ARBITRARY!"

When Female Leopards Marry.

'On second thought, maybe we should see other people.'

'I should warn you -- I don't have any tattoos.'

"These oaths aren't binding all weekend are they?"

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

'When I think of all the men I could've married...'

Hen do!

'...And do you Colin, take Linda to be your cook, cleaner and main income provider?'

'Sometimes I think you only married me for my employer's spousal benefit health insurance coverage.'

"I can't sentence your husband to hard time in this court, and having met you, it would be unnecessarily redundant."

"He left me. I doubt it was for another woman, though. He asked me for a letter of recommendation."

'Is the divorce pool still open?'

'I can't go on like this Wilfred - you've changed so - You're no longer the man I married.'

'Surprised she's getting married again. In lieu of wedding gifts, she's asking for donations to help retain a divorce lawyer.'