Water Snobbery Skeptic Gifts

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

Water Gardening: One thing is certain - you will find the peace and tranquility of water an almost irresistible attraction.

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

"Son, one day all this will belong to your tax office, your economy-hating environmental wackos and your corrupt political clowns."

"He's still bitter that bottled water ruined his reign as king of the water cooler."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'New money or old money?'

"I like anything but long walks on the beach."

'Tap water?! As if.'

'I've got an idea. Why don't we just tack on the word 'natural' to our pesticide sprays?'

Carbon capture and storage

"Our carbon footprint has been very, very good to us."

"Martha and Lee are going to be doing our environmental hand-wringing."

"Lets stop arguing about the pool. We'll divide it in half and stay on our half."

"A knowledgeable choice...A sophisticated blend of fine liqueurs..." "Girly drink."

"I told you not to give them a bath in hot water!"

"The resort has a pool-bar! Oh goody, book it!"

Ned Thompson, unpretentious wine taster.

'You really don't like water do you, Jen?'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"Don't you think listing the contents as hydrogen, hydrogen and oxygen may be seen as a little pretentious?"

Unsynchronised Judging.

'He doesn't use drinking fountains. He can't swim.'

Yorkshire Water - "Time to take a leak Gentlemen ?"

"As a communist, my great-grandfather was subjected to hatred and discrimination. As a bourgeois-conservative smoker who drives a car with an internal combustion engine I continue this tradition."

Political Parties in Rival Tree Planting Pledges

"I've never been much of a beach guy."

That snob only likes bottled water.

Soda! So many useless calories! Oh? You're wondering why I'm still round if I don't drink the stuff? Well? I got fat the old-fashioned way. I eat too much.

'I carbon off-set by donating to the Conservative party.'

Armstrong, I was wondering something. Go on. Our electricity keeps going out. You said the rolling blackouts are caused by overuse of air conditioning to deal with the heat. But summer is long over. The heat waves are gone. Might somebody be using global warming as an excuse to keep the power off and save money? I was framed.