Snobbery Skeptic Gifts

Ned Thompson, unpretentious wine taster.

'New money or old money?'

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

"Everybody comfortable? Got what they want? Know their place?"

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Champagne at the hunt

The simultaneous development of dining and pomposity.

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

"Another helping of pretentiousness, anyone?"

"I believe this is one of Rembrandt's earliest selfies."

'He's a very superior dog. Even his fleas have pedigrees!'

"Hints of migrant workers on the nose."

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

"C'mon dude, these are not your people."

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

"Can we go see 'Home Alone 2'? My friend Jeffrey says it's an important picture."

Difference between regular and French onion soup? "When I serve the French onion soup, I sneer."

"I love craft beer! It's opened an exciting new world of snobbery for me."

'Listen my man, I am not being condescending, I am just trying to use words I think you may be able to understand. . .'

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

"Since Rover became a therapy dog, he's gotten uppity."

"I'm enrolled in a total immersion wine class."

'That's quite a bit you're inheriting. I suppose you realize this will force you to start learning about wine.'

David Cameron Parenting Classes: 'After registering them for Eton the next most important thing is selecting the right nanny!'

'He's a mixed breed.'