Snobbery Specialist Gifts

'He's a very superior dog. Even his fleas have pedigrees!'

"Make me look like more of a people person, you paint-slinging nitwit."

"Oh, the '94 - the best thing you can say about the '94 is that the '95 was worse."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

"Everybody comfortable? Got what they want? Know their place?"

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

The simultaneous development of dining and pomposity.

Champagne at the hunt

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

"Have we looked as though we know what it is, for long enough yet?"

"Another helping of pretentiousness, anyone?"

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"I believe this is one of Rembrandt's earliest selfies."

"Hints of migrant workers on the nose."

'New money or old money?'

"C'mon dude, these are not your people."

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

Difference between regular and French onion soup? "When I serve the French onion soup, I sneer."

"I love craft beer! It's opened an exciting new world of snobbery for me."

'Listen my man, I am not being condescending, I am just trying to use words I think you may be able to understand. . .'

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

'That's quite a bit you're inheriting. I suppose you realize this will force you to start learning about wine.'

'He's a mixed breed.'

David Cameron Parenting Classes: 'After registering them for Eton the next most important thing is selecting the right nanny!'

American Idle

"I'm enrolled in a total immersion wine class."

"Hi! I haven't had a crap in months. Bon appetit!"