Tap Water Snob Gifts

"Their water is all locally sourced."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"You were right: I don't like water, but I do love snow!"

Water Gardening: One thing is certain - you will find the peace and tranquility of water an almost irresistible attraction.

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"I make it myself!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

Wine tasting

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

"I can remember when water was just wet."

"House red, sir?"

Tea Snob.

"Another helping of pretentiousness, anyone?"

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

"I had no idea Dom Perignon came with a screw top."

Prosecco Drinker

"It's an unpretentious little wine!"

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

'Tap water?! As if.'

'Listen my man, I am not being condescending, I am just trying to use words I think you may be able to understand. . .'

"How much do you spend on a decent bottle of wine?"

"Yeah, he changed water into wine but it was nothing you'd want to lay down."

"I'm getting gnats, I'm getting cats, I'm getting dogs..."

'A 1982 bottle of KMart Beaujolais Nouveau? You shouldn't have, really. I mean you really, really shouldn't have...really.'

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

"Waiter, this wine is corked!"

"A knowledgeable choice...A sophisticated blend of fine liqueurs..." "Girly drink."

'This is the 1927 Georges de Latour you bought us for our anniversary, son. Mom spruced it up nicely with orange soda and melon balls.'